metteharrison (metteharrison) wrote,

On Your Day of Doubt

I am having a day of doubt. You've probably had one of those days. You've probably had more than one of them. I know I have. But every time I have one, it hurts and makes me queasy as much as the ones before. And we forget so easily how many we've had, how often they come, and how necessary they are.

So today, I'm spending some time and looking back. Remembering those days in the past when I absolutely could not imagine what the future would look like, when I held so tightly to the present moment because I thought that my present then was the whole world. I didn't want to let go because I thought I couldn't let go, that I would fall, that there was nothing to catch me and nowhere to land.

And yet, I did land. I caught myself. I figured out how to make the future come and meet me. I learned that I am more flexible and more capable than I thought I was. And I learned that the future held great things for me, bigger and better than I thought possible at the time. I found that the reason I was having doubt was because I was becoming someone else and the old me was crumbling, not the whole world. I had to change because I didn't want what I had always wanted before.

So, if you're having a day of doubt, sit with me for a minute. Hold my hand. I don't like it, either. It's scary and I'm afraid and maybe we can just offer each other a promise that we'll be here until we're ready for what comes next, OK?


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