I have had several experiences in the last year with authors telling either me or wannabes that the way to get published is to "know someone." I hate this advice. Hate it, hate it, hate it. And I also hate that there is some truth in it. (One author pointed out that a week before she went to a conference with the editor who bought her manuscript, she received a rejection letter from that same editor's assistant!)

I wish that the world were a place where editors and agents had time and energy enough to sift through the slush pile with clear heads and find the best books there. I wish that readers bought books solely on the basis of their quality, and not on the basis of a tie-in or a celebrity name or a blurb by an author that they like. I wish that booksellers had time to read the books they are ordering for their stores, and that they were book lovers, too. I wish that bookstores did not have their own line of books that they were trying to sell, with no royalties to the author, if there is one even listed. I wish that editors didn't have to be able to describe a book in ten words or less and make sure it had a "big concept" in it, and that they didn't have to bring an explanation of how many books they think you will sell. I wish that most authors could earn a living at doing this business, without having to supplement with school visits and workshops.

This makes me naive, I'm afraid. Does it make me a better writer? I have a fantasy that it does. How many people will notice? I suppose that is still to be seen.

A writer friend called me last week to tell me that she had received an offer for her first book. And to ask some advice. It reminded me sharply of my first book offer. The sense of absolute joy, yes, but also something darker underneath there, surprisingly so. The worry that you're still not quite good enough, that the offer may disappear in a moment, if you even think a wrong, ungrateful thing about the small offer proposed.

Will this publisher promote my book? Is my book worth promoting? What happens when the reviews start coming in? What if no one even bothers to review it? What if I don't make my advance back? Will I have to start all over again with a new publisher? What if my cover is awful?? Do I need an agent now? Can I get a good agent? What if the agent ruins my deal? What if the publisher/editor doesn't like my agent? What if I disagree with my editor about a major part of the revision? What if I can never write a second book? What if my second book is completely unlike my first book? What if I never get asked to do a school visit? What will I do if asked to do a school visit? What if I have to go to a conference? How do I schmooze?

On an on. We writers are such insecure little creatures, it's as if we can't accept a good thing when it happens to us. We have to go on worrying about the next thing, because the worry that you'll never be accepted is over. And yet, we're still not sure we're good enough. And we thought we would be by now. All grown up, right?