I apologize to those of you who are doing self-publishing the right way and who were offended by my post yesterday. I did not mean to suggest that all self-published authors are obnoxious, in-your-face self-promoters. It feels to me like 90% of the ones I've met are, but that may simply be because they are louder and feel like more.

Legitimate Reasons to Self-publish:

1. You know a particular niche market and are in a unique situation to market your books to that market. (Example: David Farland's In the Company of Angels for the Mormon audience. Or a book targeting your audience as a motivational speaker where you know who you're selling it to and a publisher couldn't really do it better.)

2. You are writing a book for a limited audience, such as family/friends for a specific event. (Example: family histories.)

3. You are publishing the final books in a series which a publisher has elected not to continue with, mostly for the sake of fans who want to read more and feel cheated not to read the ending you intended. (In this case, it isn't about money at all. It's also not you pushing your book on strangers, but offering it to those who express an interest.)

4. You have the experience in writing to believe there is a market for your book and are willing to pay for the editorial help and the artistic help necessary to make a good quality book.

5. You have no intentions of being a published author, but just want to have a copy of something for yourself in a more durable form, to show you've achieved a given level of expertise. (Sometimes schools do this for children, though I sometimes wonder if this gives the wrong idea about publishing.)

6. (Possibly) If you are an adult and you feel that you may be able to get enough exposure from a self-published book that is very well done to attract a national audience and publisher. (I don't recommend this, but I do think it's legitimate. Sometimes people do end up selling a self-pubbed book, but a lot of the time agents won't even look at them. Examples: Time Stops for No Mouse(which I like), The Christmas House (which I dislike) , Eragon (which I really dislike), Hank the Cowdog (also like). My caution here is to be open about being self-published and your reasons for it without necessarily slamming the national industry. You want success there, so why would you be rude?)

7. You are in the comic book world, where self-pubbing is done all the time, and is basically the only way to work if you aren't with Marvel or DC. (My sister at mleiv.com does this and I think she does wonderful work. Also Howard Tayler who does Schlock Mercenary is great at this.)
   
   Books I have self-published:

   1. A family history for my parents' 50^th wedding anniversary, which I gave out to family members. Also, a family history for my father-in-law's 70^th birthday party, also a giveaway.

   2. My dissertation, of which I have a copy somewhere and the other 2 are at the Princeton University library. Also, my Honors Thesis from BYU, and my Master's Thesis from BYU.

   3. My oldest daughter's illustrated book about the birth of my youngest daughter, complete with some fairly graphic illustrations for a 6 year-old.

   4. The Princess and the Horse, the fourth book in the series that began with The Princess and the Hound, and which Harper declined to publish. I expect to publish a fifth book in the same series next year. I may publish other books this way, as ebooks, but I won't be hocking them at events.

Myth #1 The publishing industry is just publishing a bunch of crap anyway. Go into any bookstore and you'll see it.

Myth #2 Editors at NY Publishers are only publishing things from their friends or other people they already know.

Myth #3 Once you have it made in publishing, you can get anything published no matter how bad it is just because it has your name on it.

Myth #4 Editors at NY Publishers want to change your books so that they can promote the evil messages they believe in.

Myth #5 You can't break into publishing unless you are willing to sell your soul.

Myth #6 All books published by NY Publishers have a liberal agenda.

Myth #7 Children's books should all have a “good moral,” because kids need to learn lessons from books, not just be entertained.

Myth #8 If your friend is a good artist, you should get her to do your picture book art for free and then you don't have to pay her.

Myth #9 Once you get published, all you care about after that is making money.

Myth #10 Giving away books for free is the true sign of a nice person/author because why would you want to make money off your art?

Myth #11 Authors who spend most of their time writing should make you suspicious. They should spend more time out in the real world, connecting with real people.

Myth #12 No one can tell you how to make your book better. Only you can see the true worth of your book.

Myth #13 Sometimes a first draft is just really, really good and it deserves to be published without a single word change.

Myth #14 I don't need a copy-editor because all my typos get caught by Word.

Myth #15 Authors published by NY Publishers are all trying to push the boundaries by adding as much sex and bad language and violence as they possibly can to children's book.

Myth #16 You can tell if you've written a great book because your kids and your friends' kids and all the kids at your local library loved it when you came and read the book to them.

Myth #17 The way to get attention for your self-published book is to make up really big signs and posters, give away T-shirts and buttons, and hard-sell people at your local Costco/bookstore.

Myth #18 Selling a book is all about how awesome the costume you wear is.

Myth #19 Selling a book is all about having a great bookmark and/or free candy to entice people to talk to you.

Myth #20 Just talk louder than any of the other authors at your local book signing. That way everyone will know you are the “real” author.

Myth #21 If you are your own publisher, than that's not called being self-published. It's called owning your own business, even if you publish no one else's books.

Myth #22 The lower the price you sell your book for, the more copies you will sell. It's simple supply-demand economics.

Myth #23 Remember that you're selling your books to the parents, not the kids. So make sure that your books are about things parents care about: potty training, grumpy behavior, bedtime.

Myth #24 Getting your book stocked at a local bookstore is all about calling them over and over again and trying to find “the boss” who can make a real decision.

Myth #25 Paint your car and get your whole family to join you in the book-selling effort.

Myth #26 Hire people to write “blurbs” of your book. That's how all the big authors do it. They blurb each other for money and we all know it.

Myth #27 Anyone can write a picture book. It's less than 100 words.

Myth #28 Cover art is over-rated. Just slap some free art on the front and put on your title, and you're good to go.

Myth #29 A publisher has only one book they want to promote each season and they sabotage all other books.

Myth #30 People who “care” about children the most are the ones who make the best writers for children.

Myth #31 Grandmothers/parents/teachers are the ones who know the most about children, and therefore make the best writers.

Myth #32: Never have a child doing something wrong in a book. It is a bad example to your readers and makes your book content “bad.”

Myth #33: Having your name on a book is what makes you a “real” author and now you can talk to others about how to fulfill their dreams of publishing.

A FAQ at conferences: Which matters to an author more, critical acclaim or popularity in terms of sales figures?

As happens so often, I think this is entirely the wrong question. The real question ought to be, how do you as an author define success? And the answer is actually rather complicated.

I’ve had a taste of critical acclaim, and (I feel like I’m riffing off Robert Frost’s poem Fire and Ice here) I think I know enough of it to understand that it is hollow. Not that there is anything wrong with the critics who either like or dislike my books. Only that their dislike or like of my books has very little to do with me and my work. I spent several years having the voice of certain critics in my head as I wrote new work, trying to prove them wrong or do better the second time. But what happened was simply that I made different mistakes. That’s what we do when we write another book, we make new mistakes. If you’re not making new mistakes as a writer, I respectfully submit that you’re not doing your job.

I’ve had a taste of popularity. Not a lot, I admit. I don’t have screaming hordes waiting for me at book signings. I don’t worry about being stalked on-line. But on occasion, I’ve had lines at signings. I’ve had emails from fans. I’ve had a few writers and fans whose opinions I value that a particular book really mattered to them. I am not saying this is not a nice thing. It is. It can feel good for a few minutes. But that’s just it. It only lasts for a few minutes. And even several million dollars is not going to make me a different person or change the people in my life. at least not in a good way.

I refuse to define success as something that happens outside of myself for the simple reason that if it does, I have no control over it. That may be something, but it is not what I call success. Success to me is accepting a challenge to myself to write a certain kind of book, and then coming to the end of a nth draft and saying, I have done what I wanted to do. It is a purely internal sensation, and it isn’t something that makes me want to shout or cry. It is, however, something that is lasting, that makes me say to myself, you are a good writer. You have written this book well, and it does not matter what others say about it, it does not matter how many copies it sells, this feeling that you have met your challenge well cannot be taken away from you.

That is real success as a writer, and I find that I am surprised to be saying something so mystical. It sounds so unmeasurable, and I so much like to measure things. But the really important things can never be measured meaningfully.

I am a little leery of suggesting that I must be a good parent because my kids have turned out great (so far, knock on wood). So take whatever I say with however much salt you choose. Nonetheless, I find that I *talk* about parenting very differently than other parents, and this often surprises them, especially when they discover the results, which seem counter-intuitive.

For instance, many people assume that because my children have been so successful in academics, that I must take over a lot of responsibility for my children’s homework. In fact, the opposite is true. I care very little about homework unless I think it is actually useful.

In Kindergarten, I’ve had some children who knew how to read already on a third or fourth grade level. I’ve had children who didn’t know their letters. But the Kindergarten teachers sent home the same homework with both kinds of kids. So I simply find homework that is more on the child’s level and give it in place, and then ignore notes from the teacher and explain nicely at Parent-Teacher Conferences why I am doing what I am doing.  

But the same thing went on in all the other grades. I have been one of those parents who insisted two children got skipped a grade. I just felt they needed it. But my other three were just fine in their grades and I supplemented what the school gave them with what Dad and I knew best at home. I do lots of writing drills, like writing persuasive letters to Mom and Dad to argue about something the child wants that we don’t.

We take our kids out of school for adventures that include everything from going to the UK for two weeks to going to volunteer at Ironman for a few days or taking a child to a business meeting for my husband’s work. I lie for them if the school won’t accept as an excuse for being absent something like, “I was doing something more important that my parents approved of.” I tell the school in advance that I refuse to allow my children to do AR tests and that they will be doing good, old-fashioned book reports instead. On the other hand, I have no problem with my kids playing computer games or watching old seasons of Buffy for hours on end. I consider both useful ways to relax and secretly be learning things like how to build a good game or write a good book.

I help with writing assignments, and do early math drilling at home. I also have an endless supply of good books at home in our library. My husband is great at doing science fair projects with them and looking through math problems. When the two of us are insufficient, we call friends to find someone who is. And yes, that has happened. I pay tutors, too, but you have to catch them early before they feel like it’s useless and they’re too far behind. It’s not because I care about their grades. It’s because I want them to learn, to have real skills, to be prepared to do college level work and beyond. I want them to prepared for life. I don’t think I would have a problem with a child who didn’t do well at school, but who showed life skills in abundance. Those are what matter. School is just rehearsal, but if it’s getting in the way, you should be able to see that as a parent.

My children do get good grades, but I have on at least two occasions given them money to get not-straight A’s. That is, my oldest daughter, who had a 4.0 all through 9^th grade ended up in a difficult AP Chemistry class her sophomore year. She got a B+ and that grade took more work than just about all her other classes combined. I paid her both for her hard work and for her ability to see that it wasn’t the grade that mattered. It was the knowledge she was acquiring from taking a difficult class. I would never want a child of mine afraid to take a class because s/he might not get an A. No matter how often the counselors at school told my children that colleges cared most of all about test scores and a 4.0 GPA, I countered those words with the insistence that the best colleges could tell the difference between students who really had learned and students who had just paid attention to how to get a good grade. When my oldest daughter was interviewed for MIT, one of the first questions they asked her was, what will your parents do if you come home with a grade less than an A? She knew the answer to that. I would only care about whether she had learned a lot in the class, not her grade.

Sometimes my children will say that I would kill them if they didn’t get good grades and then I get mad because I feel that is so demonstrably untrue. But what I think they mean when they say that is that I would be upset if I felt they had not learned the most important parts of the material, either in the class or outside of the class. There are classes I don’t care about at all, and my kids know that, too. The new requirements for classes like Financial Literacy and Health and so on are just wastes of time. In fact, I argue with the information that comes home with those classes fairly often. Sometimes maybe that argument is the best thing that happens, allowing my children to see different points of view.

I do expect great things from my children. I have told them all that if they don’t get full ride scholarships to college, it’s because they didn’t work hard enough. They are all smart and healthy kids, but if they weren’t, I still think my focus would be on learning and not classwork or grades. I also do not expect my children to do one thing in particular. I don’t steer them in one direction or another. I want them to choose what to do with their lives and to find what they are best at and what they love. I don’t want them to be either clones of me or my husband, nor do I want them to correct all the mistakes that I made.

I am delighted to see the choices they make. I enjoy watching them make mistakes. Maybe this is wrong of me, but it is one of the delights of parenthood to allow your children to do something minor and stupid and then not to have to be the one to say “I told you so.” I love that part of parenting. I also think that my children teach me as much as I teach them. I don’t know all the answers, so I don’t try to tell them to do things my way. I only have the experience of my own life to rely on, which doesn’t make me an expert in their lives. They are different than me, and while I can talk to them about what I think might happen, ultimately I really do leave the decision up to them because they are the ones who have to live with the consequences.